You expect drama in a final-day winner-takes-all title decider. You expect a lively atmosphere. You expect excitement.
You probably don’t expect three goals in the first 12 minutes. Four in the opening 17. Five in 34. And for it to be 3-3 at half time.
“You couldn’t script it better,” were the words of Dundee manager Gary Bowyer.
Easier said after his side scored twice more in the second half to finally secure an epic Scottish Championship title-clinching victory over Queen’s Park.
What unfolded in front of the BBC Scotland cameras at Ochilview was nothing short of astonishing. We lost track at times during it, so there’s every chance you did too.
So first let’s set the scene. Dundee went into the game top by two points. A draw was enough for Bowyer’s men.
But for Owen Coyle’s side, who were looking to return Queen’s to the top flight for the first time since 1958, only a win would do.
Dundee were aiming for an immediate return to the top tier after last May’s relegation, and after a bright opening they look well on their way to achieving that.
Lyall Cameron capitalises on dodgy defending – a constant theme throughout the evening – and lays the ball on a plate for Alex Jakubiak.
Not the cleanest strike, but the do the Dundee fans care? Not a jot. If only they knew what they were about to be in for…
Eh, okay. Six minutes later, Queen’s centre-back Charlie Fox decides to score his second goal of the season. A quite ridiculous strike on the bounce from 30 yards out. You’ll not see a better goal all weekend.
At this point we can start to accept we might be in for a bit of a wild one.
Nope, you’re not dreaming. Twelve minutes in and Queen’s are now 2-1 up. Dundee can’t clear a corner and before you can blink… bang. Connor Shields hammers in on the volley.
As it stands, Queen’s are champions. You read that correctly. Coyle’s men are on course for a third-straight promotion and a place in the Premiership.
Hmm… not for long, though.
A fourth goal in a chaotic opening 17 minutes comes from another centre-back. This time he is in a Dundee shirt. It is Lee Ashcroft, who sweeps the ball in.
Looks like a tight offside call, but no video asssitant referee is here to even attempt to ruin this one.
Wait… is this actually happening?
Dundee have the lead again. It’s another scrappy one as a ricochet sets Zach Robinson free, and another ricochet sends the ball over the line at a snail’s pace. Scarcely believable stuff at Ochilview.
At this point, all we can do is laugh in disbelief. This is utterly wild.
Queen’s centre-back Fox is now on a hat-trick in this title decider after crashing a superb header into the far corner. Bedlam is quite simply an understatement at this stage.
Ah, half-time. A lovely break from the madness. Take a deep breath.
But don’t get too comfy. Just nine minutes into the second period, we are fully immersed in the chaos again.
Luke McCowan carries the ball for what seems like an age. His pass eventually lands at the feet of Lyall Cameron, who guides in a fourth for Dundee and goal number seven of the match.
What a way to seal it.
Limbs fly everywhere in the Dundee end as McCowan goes on another mazy run before curling a peach of an effort into the far corner.
A fitting finish to an unforgettable Championship finale. We will wait right here if you want to try and find a better league…